Why Guilt is My Favorite Emotion.

I know—it might sound strange to call guilt a “favorite” emotion. Most of us try to avoid guilt- brush it aside, hide from it, or somehow drown it out. But over the years, I’ve come to see guilt as one of the most powerful signals we have.

At its best, guilt points us directly to the space between our values and our actions. It’s like an internal compass that quietly (or maybe very loudly) says, “Annnnd this doesn’t quite line up with who you want to be.” When we listen to that nudge, guilt becomes productive. It helps us notice where we’ve gotten off track, course-correct, and move toward choices that feel more aligned with the kind of person, parent, partner, or friend we want to be.

Think of it as a values checkpoint. Productive guilt doesn’t need to weigh us down—it’s simply a reminder that growth is possible and we can choose differently for ourselves. It’s the discomfort that motivates us to apologize, make repairs where we need to, show up differently, or act with more integrity next time. In that sense, guilt can actually deepen our relationships and help us live more authentically.

But we know all too well that not all guilt is created equal. There’s another side—what we call unproductive guilt—that does little more than suck energy, joy, and presence from us. This is the guilt that tells us we’re never good enough, that no matter what we do we’re failing somehow, hurting others, or falling short. Instead of pointing us toward our values, it pulls us into a spiral of shame, self-criticism, and exhaustion, and depression. That kind of guilt doesn’t guide us—it traps us and keeps us stuck.

The key is learning to tell the difference. Productive guilt says, “You made a mistake - you are human- and here’s how you can repair and realign.” Unproductive guilt says, “You are such an idiot. How could you make this mistake? Nothing you do will ever be enough.” One leads us toward growth and alignment, the other robs us of joy and freedom.

So yes, guilt is my favorite emotion—not because it feels good (it definitely does not), but because of the clarity it offers. When we pause and ask, “Is this guilt helping me stay close to my values or pulling me further away from feeling joy?” we give ourselves the chance to use guilt as a tool instead of a weight.

Ultimately, productive guilt reminds us of something important: we care. And if we care, we can choose to change.

How to Tell the Difference Between Productive and Unproductive Guilt

Next time guilt shows up, try asking yourself:

1. Is this guilt about something I would prefer to repair or do differently next time?
   – If yes, it’s likely productive. Take the lesson, make the repair where it is needed, and move forward.

2. Does this guilt motivate me, or does it just make me feel stuck and depressed?
   – Productive guilt moves us forward; stuck guilt or self-flagellating is a signal that we need to let go.

3. Does this guilt connect me back to my values, or does it keep me stuck in self-criticism?
   – If it’s the latter, the guilt is not serving you.

By practicing these questions, you can start to harness productive guilt as a guide and stop unproductive guilt from draining your joy. Guilt that is not actionable does not warrant your energy.